At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
