You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
