dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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