Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
