and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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