I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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