who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I would ride that face into the sunset
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
