If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
