This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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