I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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