If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
why is half of my head shaved?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
