My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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