Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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