He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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