and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bring me that man meat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
