I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
