is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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