dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Randomize
