that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
