I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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