dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
