At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
