So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
