I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
