Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
