I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
