i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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