clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
how drunk are you?
Several
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
