Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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