If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
