I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
