After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
