dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
