how can u be prego again
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
