sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
