Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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