And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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