i think my tv is drunk
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
