No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
