Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
