Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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