he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
