Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
