she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
