I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
