I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
