She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
