see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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