Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think my moral compass just broke
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