i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh god the rape fog is back!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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