you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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