perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
