okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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