The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
