i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When are your genitals available?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
