Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
