I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
